I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
