'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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