It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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