Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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