I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
