Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
