i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
