roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
