sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
