You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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