Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
