A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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