Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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