The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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