I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He better not be in your backpack
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
