just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
