if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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