Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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