Soap is not a condiment
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this just has baby written all over it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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