EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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