I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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