; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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