are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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