Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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