he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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