I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
