Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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