remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
a search helicopter?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
