you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
