The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
