I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
