Well apparently he's into motor boating.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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