yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
this is an emotional support booty call
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
