I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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