I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
