I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
