dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
