i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
