You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
