Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
