Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you never un-have a 4some
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
