An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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