I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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