It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
