I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
