Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
jump out the window naked night went bad
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