You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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