what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
