I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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