I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
