now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
